GROW UP

I had a random conversation tonight with a family member that I don't know, obviously from my fathers side of the family. I have met her though it was a hectic time and I was meeting many so I do not remember her. This is not the point....

I was reminded tonite of the turmoil I have gone through being the daughter of my father. I love my dad, I know he loves me. He is not the father I always dreamed i would find, steppingout of a fairy tale having been searching for me for years and years but I know I love him. But this conversation got me thinking of a great many things

at what point to we as adults have to overcome the shortcomings of our parents, stand on our own two feet and not repeat mistakes. At what point are we responsible for our own mistakes and can no longer blame it on "hard childhoods" I have had a hard childhood.. my kids are not dirty nor are they not taken care of. I don't have the leisure of their sperm donor to just do as I please and not be around. I have heard time and tiem again that (*$&)# was always a mommys boy, never had to grow up, was raised in a bad situation. SUCK IT UP... and obviously this post isn't about said sperm donor because I am thankful he is not in the picture. I am just curious when enough is enough.

This same situation has played itself out with my own father. So many people have said, he was the baby, he never had to take responsibility he took the divorce of his parents the hardest, having a child out wedlock in those times was not smiled upon. His child is a grown adult.. I ahve spent so many years angry with my dad, I wrote him letters telling him I was done with him if he coudln't do things my way yada yada... I realized after the death of my uncle, my fathers brother, I can not conform my dad. Me trying to change him is as bad as everyone else exepting him as the dead beat he was. I had to take the time I had with my dad and be thankful for it. So many people would love the change to tell their dad they loved them...despite their flaws, despite the disapointments and hurt they loved them. This was me. I have my dad, he is a good dad as far as dads go. Like I said above he was never the story book king I pictures or so desperatly wanted but he is my dad and he did help creat me so there is obviously something wonderful in there. I love my dad and I know he loves me... can I ask for more?

Yes I can, I can ask all I want but that does not mean I will get the answer I want. I am working on realizing the fact that I am a strong person. I have made it through some realy crappy situations and I will make it through more... however not everyone is as strong as me, not everyone has HAD to be as strong as me and some people are just plain different (imagine that...) well my strength can be viewed as a steam roller to those that are not as strong as me... I believe that in my strength I have steam rolled my way right over some amazing people, unintentionaly however still the same outcome.

I love my dad and even though he is not what I want I am sure there are parts of me that he is not as excited about either (like the mean nasty letters I wrote him, I can be mean with words!) but I have to be thankful for what I have and I am thankful for my dad.....

HOWEVER... why is it that people get to make and use these exuses. I am addicted to the show 16 and pregnant.. I am sure it is my past predicament that has me intrigued btu I am hooked non the less. I smile when I see what the kids are going through and I am like OMG NO DON"T DO IT..dam she did it.. I knew she would I DID... but why is it that time and time again you see one of the parents drop their end of the responsibilty.. it takes two to make a baby.. it takes two TWO PEOPLE TWO.. I get just as outraged to see the grandparents HAVING to take the responsibility THEY RAISED THEIR KIDS grrr... I just wish that once people made the grown up decisions they would be some how metamorphasized into responsible people.. I know I know,.. I just hate that people like above spoke of sperm donor.. get  to go on with their lives as if nothing has changed, they have two AMAZING WONDERFUL CHILDREN.. who are taken care of , loved , taught and nurtured daily. No thanks to this POS however somehow their DNA gets to conitnue to populate the earth while other people that TRULY want and deserver children can't.. or fight to become parents. Its not right...

GROW UP WORLD... TAKE RESPONSIBILITY

grrr